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I never knew love could be a silence in the heart,
A moment when the time is still,
And all Ive been looking for is right here in my arms,
Just waiting for the chance to begin;
I never knew love could be the sunlight in your eyes,
On a day that you may not have seen,
And all Ive been searching for, well words could never say,
When a touch is more than anything;
Maybe you will never know how much I love you,
But of this, be sure;
Here is your paradise, here is your book of life,
Where you and I will be forevermore;
Here is your paradise, here is your book of life,
Where you and I will be forevermore;
And in the dark night, youll follow the bright light
And go where the love must go,
And you will wake in the morning to a brand new day,
Take all your worries away;
Maybe you will never know how much I love you,
But of this, be sure,
Here is your paradise, here is your book of life,
Where you and I will be forevermore;
Here is your paradise, here is your book of life,
Where you and I will be forevermore;
Love exists,...
I think those people who does not love LOVE just fooling themselves. The ones who think they don't need a mate r just far wrong!
If those were right, God never creates ADAM & HAVA as mates.
I swear, the most important fact that cause depression is a lack of Love. We are all humans and we need to love and to be loved! Have u ever think how wonderful it feel to be in your lovers embarace for long hours under the shinning sun! I have done that many times before and all were fake!! The real one with pure love is all I and people needed, and to reach it we need patient. I think with myself :" It is enough allowing fake lovers taking your heart and tru it away".
"Love" is sense, feeling, poet, lecture, life, and LOVE. Some people including mother-daughter loves or others, but I think that love is separate.When u love sb, u wanna take everything of him/her and and give everything u have. Love bring jealousy that is hell so sweeeeet.
I listened to Chris De Burgh over and over " I need tender hands,..." Oooooooooh, he is so sweet that sometimes I die to visit him and kiss his cheeks, but unfortunetly, he never presents any concerts here in LA:( I have a terrible secret and it is going over concert and sb) yeah, and also Modern Talking which is one of my favorite bands best best best one!!!!! And they never had concert either!I guess I should travel to europe to visit them:))))
Tonight was Ebi's concert! I like him but not that much to go to his concert!!!!!
But I know that he has lots of fans over here. One is my uncle that went wih his friends. Sometimes, I regret that I don't have lots of friends caz most of the time u r lonely. But, later I think it would be nothing but DARDE SAR!!!
And latest news is my CD player does not work and I am getting nuts! It is over 5 days I have not listened to my Turkish CD's and I miss songs sooooooooo much:))))
I don't wanna write like other people. I don't wanna share my site with many others caz I have made it mostly for myself. I am afraid of people's laughs and I just do it for me...
In case of Persian weblogs and writers, I have to say that u guys just waste your time!!!! U think this kinda ( trash) can make u famous? I don't think so. Mine is kinda diary and I am not sensitive if anyone see it or not beacuse I thinks there r various ways to become famous. Why do they care of making more visitors? this question may have two answers:
1. They r so DEHATI and they think that their KOSE SHER's r soooo funny.
2. As many people send them Emails and ... they get more money of their site.
I was thinking to write some novels in persian, but then I thought " HELL NO" caz my pc does not have persian fornat and I have to go to some site using persian keyboards. So
I think it takes forever to learn Farsi format and write in it...
The other popular discussion among persians albate (BIKARS AND WEBLOG LOVERS) is romance and love. As I was visiting the weblog of sb that... I thought how stupid he is. He made friends over weblogs and he thinks that he is very proud of himself!!! There comes the wedding of two weblog writers. I think he was so weak caz if he was strong and confident, he never THINKS that he is in love over the internet. He was living in USA. Is it that difficult to find a mate here? I think these r all NAGHSHE from Iran government. They let people built weblogs and met each other there to get their freedom and poor people think that they r happy logging and this stupid stuff,..
So, U crazy jamaat ke mardomo khar mikonid U r the fool caz u actualy spend most of your time for nothing.
Banderas and his new movie " Once Upon a Time in Mexico"
There r lots of movies comming up and one of them is that movie in which Antonio, Johny Depp, Salma Hayek, and Enrique Iglesias are playing in it.
What's on theaters?
Le Devorce
Freaky Friday
Jeepers Creepers
Step into Liquid
American Splender
The secret lives of dentists
Freddy vs Jason
And others,...
Old friends
I have never forgot the day we separated. She was crying and I pretended. I embraced her so tight that she could not see my guilty face! She had sth for me, kinda bed cover with golden layers sewn on each corners. And I was standing up the stairs looking out of the window. I did not realize how much I would miss her later in my life. I was just out of this world. My mind was flying to America, and God I was happy. I thought, the hell with friend. There r lots and lots of them (even better ones) in America But, after breaking ups, tenses, and angers, I found out how great she was to me. There never comes anyone who can be your mom, your dearest sister, your friend, your guide, and your protector. She was suffered of desperation like I do. She was the victim. She had to marry caz no one really knew the value of her. She was the one who sacrificed a lot for me, and today when I decided to write her a letter after A YEAR!!!!!!! I just realized that I am just a fool. I did not write her before caz I thought that it would take hours, but from now I promise to write her every month. I got punished. And I am happy that I am not a protector. That I dont have any responsibilities for anyone. Life was not fair to me and I believe now that golden sentence: AZ HAR DASTI KE BEDI AZ HAMOON DAST MIGIRI. I was sad for long times. Cried for each person I have lost, but finally I realize that it was not my problem. I am faithful, but I am tired of complains and jealousy. I learned to say no. To be selfish a little bit. To value education over anything. I need a break. Need to find the person people disgust and transfer it to the better one. And my dearest I MISS U SO VERY MUCH
There could be fog
Or maybe just a mist
And inexplicably I'll fade to white
Vanish, and be gone
Or it could be night
And I'll be darkly dressed,
Evading easy definition
And as your eye's distracted
By a falling leaf
I'll merge with restless shadows
And be gone
Then you will discover
What emptiness is
A space so hollow
Even its own walls are swallowed up
A quality of missing
So intense
A lack, a lack
Each hour more bottomless than the last
Until your heart cries out,
A howl of forfeiture
But it will be nothing
Ashen silence where I used to sing
And deafness
The howl must strike the right resonant frequency
A wail that echoes all to the ends of time
To fill the gaping void in whole, looping wavelengths
From the well of your soul, such loneliness
To make Siberian wolves hang heads for shame
In their convivial packs
Then, only then
Might you detect my footprints, indistinct
Marking the morning dew fall
Perhaps glimpse a puff of breath
in the cold, dawn air
You must utter
A howl so desolate, it
Jerks you from your sleep
To find me warm beside you on your pillow
And you will know how
Close you were to the brink
Of the abyss And know what missing is
And hold me.
That is the way it is
"Money making", is getting more difficult each day as taxes goes up! I think people in Iran r very lucky that don't have to pay taxes for each checks they get. After spending lots and lots of money over clothes, useless books, food, and others, I end up being a homeless!!! Believe me, we never realize the value of things unless we lose it. And money is one of the examples of that. Now, it is a time to blame myself " Whay the hell I bought 6 story books which are all the same? Why did I spent $10-20 a week for huge meals that did nothing but making me fatter and fatter?...
Saving sometimes keep lives.
And the other fact is that " money making" is much more difficult in here than in Iran. I swear, I was recieving $1000 toman each week and that amount of money was so huge 4 years ago. I remember, my father always gave me extra money beacuse money had more value over there. 40% of women did not have to work beacuse the money that their husband brought home was enough for all the family. But in here, there is no one to help. U have to work to survive untill your dad is still so rich that he can help u. That is why I donot even have an stupid car and have to take BIG BLUE BUS every day. Do u know how long we have to spend to get to our work or school or somewhere else? It is more annoying than difficult.
I just wish that I could find a job to...
World War III
I love Chris De Burgh cuz his voice is so amazing. It is what persian call "MAKHMALI" and he is the one who is opposed war in the world and he has many fans around the world who r worshiping him. And, the reasons r:
1. His voice is incredibly agreeble
2. Most of his songs r sad and kinda "SOFT ROCK"
3. And his songs mostly r singed against war
And one of the best ones is the song on a back ground as I, myself, need tender hands as well,...
Oh how, at the journeys end,
I lie in the heat of the night,
Feeling the heartache, wondering why,
I want a friend,
I want a friend to lay down beside me,
I want a friend,
I want her now,
Someone who knows what I mean
When I say, that I need
Tender hands to hold me,
I need tender hands tonight,
Will you lay them on my shoulders,
Will you lay them on my eyes,
And I need tender hands to take me,
All the way to paradise,
And then, when its over,
I need tender hands
To hold me through the night;
Touch me with your velvet mouth,
I will give all the love that I have,
Under the moonlight, reaching your heart,
Where are you now, where are you now,
Come out of the shadows,
Where are you now, I want you now,
You know that I cannot always be strong,
And I need
Tender hands to hold me,
I need tender hands tonight,
Will you lay them on my shoulders,
Will you lay them on my eyes,
And I need tender hands to take me,
All the way to paradise,
And then, when its over,
I need tender hands
To hold me through the night;
I am only a voice in a city of noise,
Can you hear me this time,
I see the storm grow,
Theres a light in the desert tonight;
And I need tender hands,
Give me tender hands,
Will you lay them on my shoulders,
Oh give me
Tender hands to take me
All the way to paradise,
And then, when its over,
I have tender hands
To hold you through the night, darling,
My tender hands will hold you
Through the night;
I want your tender hands,
You have tender hands,
I want those tender hands,
Tender hands...  In the ballroom of romance, there's a rock band playing,
People swaying to the beat, swaying in the heat,
In the corner over there by the door is a local casanova,
Yelling for another double scotch, "hey, steady on the rocks!"
And when the girl walked in, a complete unknown,
There was mass confusion, this beauty was alone,
And then the room began to shimmer,
Every heart was beating fast,
Every man who had to win her,
Was moving fast, they said
I'm ready, I'm ready for romance,
I'm ready for romance is here at last;
In the ballroom of romance, there's a young man waiting,
Standing looking over at the scene, it could be you or me,
Every eye in the room was watching as she walked over to him,
Whispered "do you want to come with me, I'm heading for the beach,"
In her BMW 635, going smooth at ninety, feeling good to be alive,
And then the moon began to shimmer,
Hey the sea was roaring in,
Just one kiss and then his heart,
Began to sing, he said
I'm ready, I'm ready for romance,
I'm ready for romance is here at last;
Hey the moon began to shimmer,
And the sea was roaring in,
The last thing I remember,
Was her kiss, I said
I'm ready, I'm ready for romance,
I'm ready, I'm ready for romance,
I said I'm ready, I'm ready for romance,
I'm ready for romance is here at last!
In the ballroom of romance,
In the ballroom of romance,
In the ballroom of romance,
In the ballroom of romance,
I'm ready!
Life goes on, same old song,
Life goes on, and love grows strong...
San Fransisco,...
I had a trip to San Fransisco for four days...
I came back from work on Friday with my mom and there it was a "MAN OF DREAMS". 24 years old, 6"5' tall, Brown hair with some gray on a front, deep blue eyes, very beautiful nose, and a perfect mouth,...
We went to the trip together and the first day was wonderful as we had a very very long trip and it took almost 10 hours. We were listening to many persian CD's ( of course in our car) and they came beside us... Then, we ( I mean my family and I danced a little bit( hamrah ba beshkan):)) I swear the God that it was the first time my family did not fight not they critisize each other and it was so interesting and very good. Then, we stoped between the road and ate sth. The boy was just sooooooooooo handsome and I could not take my eyes off him. We talked alittle bit with his mom, dad, and his sisterbut, he did not speak. It was strange for me caz I think he, as a person rather BOY who lives in LA why did not talk at all!!!!!!!
Anyway, we got to SF at 12 am and got our hotels. Hotel rooms were so small that we had to sleep like 2 people on a queen size bed... and my younger bro, Samy, he can not sleep without turning thousand times. So, neither of us sleep well that night,... And the weather was so freezing that every body got cold! The next morning, we got up. Took shower and really JAYE HAMATOON KHALI we had the best breakfast including: Coffee, Orange Juice, Toasts, Cream cheese, and Cheese horn sweet ( which was awusome). We visit many places like Golden Lake, and two famouse roads and,... But basicly, SF is just jungles, lakes, and old rooms. In some alleys u may feel that u r in Austria or Iran,... And we visited China Town which is similar the one in LA, and his mother bought some stuff from there. The down town of SF is much more cleaner than the one in LA and many people mostly CHESH TANG's were there caz they r so reach and the price rate is higher over there. We even saw Groom and Bride over there:))
Anyway, I will for sure send the picture of everything later
And of the boy.... I just can say that " He is too deep"( O'Henry 85)
Lets Dance,...
Dance is one of my favorites, so I am taking Tap Dance this semester. However, I kinda give up beacuse I am afraid I can not dance ( Later, not now) as well as teacher wants,... Our teacher is a young man around 30's who keeps himself so well that u can not recognize his real age at all!!!! And these stupid Americans!!!!! They always ask shit questions that just takes the ckass's time. Hopefully, one of the CHESH TANG's gave me her own shoes ( I don't know why!!!) And I don't have to spend $60 box on these damn shoes. That is a happy ending!
Yesterday, I was thinking about changing my attitudes. As u can read my previous writing I can say that I am about to change myself as well! It is like a month and so that I am thinking about it and as soon as I find out the reality I make my decision. These days, everyone is getting rational! U can not find a good friend to stay with u! I was talking to a semi-therapist and he asked me to not change yourself beacuse of others! And for the FIRST TIME!!!! I relif! Finally comes sb that knows how to behave!! He does not have any pitty and he seems that he appritiate me as me ; however, he told me to not be sad. He said that there might be people who appritieted your help and help u as well beacuse u worth more than that. I... personaly did not want to accept that fact, but later I find out he is right. I WAS ALWAYS AN AGREEBLE AND AN HONEST FRIEND. I sacrificed everything for them and all know that I did. I did.I did many impossible things. I cried for them, with them, behind them,... I was always helpful. And if they think that it is funny, they can laugh at me, but in reality, I am the one that will laugh at them. I am not a loser and I don't want to be a loser and from today, I donot want to people to be the same as I am and it is ok to be alone rather than having sb who just abuse ,...
What an small world it is!!!!!
I was sitting in my Bio class when sb called me in NAME!!!! Then, I saw a heavy girl sitting opposite of me with blond hair. She told me that we met in Math lab and she called me many times but I never answerd her. I was so ashamed, but she underestood me. I told her why I did not called her ( Old PRIVATE MYSTERY)
HEY!!!! PLEASE FORGET EVERYTHING I WROTE! I DONOT KNOW WHAT AM I WRITING!!!!
Marriage,...
I hate when discussion goes toward marriage cuz I think people r getting stupid these days when it comes to marrige and,...
World is jut based on GREEN SHEET these days. No one really realize the meaning of a successful marriage. Mostly, ( ESP Girls) thinks that with money, they will have a very successful marriage. However, I think women r wrong cuz
1. they r so lazy to work and have their own money
2. they are sooooooooooo much in love with money
I know that this is America and money is needed so badly, but where love, friendship, and humanity go?
I think love is getting too rational these days,... too meaningless,... why should it be?
There are not just celebrities who are in and off relationships, but many people in the world. The difference is that celebrities seeking more status by having relationship with each other and we as ordinary people are seeking sex, and money. How can a boyfriend of many months can forget her girlfriend after less than a month? How can a wife of twenty years divorce her husband and start a new relationship with a man rather a BOY much much younger than herself? How can a man who is happily married to a very agreeble woman for many years cheat on her wife not once or twice but many times just for sex?
Do u think that this world with this condition is right place to live in?
I don't think so. Neither in Iran in which people have many freedom problems nor here in USA in which freedom is just TOO MUCH is a place to live.
It is not a cultural problem cuz I can see this problem just anywhere around the world. IT IS OUR PROBLEMS.
Why should not we just love each other for ourselves? I am with u MEN : Why are u just so selfish that u can leave the women who dearly loves u just beacuse she does not have a shaply body for example? Why u r so crazy in love with sex?
To women: Why r u so looking for money? Why " Family Values" r getting colorless each day for u?
These r the problems of people, of you, of Me, and nothing changes if we don't change ourselves.
I know that we r not romeo and Juliet anymore, and I don't want to be Juliet myself, but I know the value of sacrifice,... And I never give up that ODD characteristic until I find out that it is too late,...
In hale man bi tost
Boghze ghazali bi lab
Oftade tarin khorshid
Zire soome asbe shab
In hale man bi tost
Deldade tar az Farhad
Shoorideh tar az majnoon
Hasrat be deli bar bad
Peyda sho ke mitarsam
Az bastare bi ghese
Peyda sho nafas borde
Mitarseh azat ghose
Bi vaghfe tarin ashegh
Moondam ke to peyda shi
Bi to hamechi talkhe
Bayad ke toam bashi....
Dige gham yeki do ta nist!...
Yesterday, I was on down town (broadway) actually to buy ANOTHER piece of Jewelery for my uncle's fiance`. What a shit culture!!!! That u have to spent lots of money BEFORE ENGAGEMENT, DURING ENGAGEMENT, DAYS AFTER THE WEDDING,WEDDING, AFTER THE WEDDING,....
We spent many times with my mom and dad over there to find sth... Then, we bought it and came home at 10 in the evening.
When I was there I was thinking how poor people r. How things r worst there with disgusting streets and air ( the mixture smell of shit, body sweat, old food,..) I was thinking that we shoulda appritiate what we have!!! Near the beach, with family, with anything I want. However, I just need some help (mentaly) cuz I still can not pick up my phone nor speak to sb. Nights with nightmare. The crazy ones + grades+ fears for money and future...
Sb shoulda teach me to save some money cua I am getting shoppoholic!!!! Life is very difficult. After firing from my job; however, ( I AM SO SICK OF THOSE CHESH TANGS) bastards! I just end up having $200 only. And BILLS BILLS BILLS. Yesterday, I was almost crying as I don't have money to pay my bills!!! And worst of all!!!! I can not tolarate anyone!
Ocean world,..
Two days ago, I was so desprate and I know that those days I am compeletly mad. So, I got dressed and went to the beach. After crying alot, I thought how wonderful it be to stay near the beach watching crazy waves comes and goes,.. I went much nearer and as I got near the beach, I took of my shoes and my socks and put my feets on the water. There were lots of people around there and it was a sunny day as well. Then, I went nearer and nearer till the water covered my body till my chest, then I through my bag in the shore and went down to the water with all the clothes I had,... I was really mad and for a second I though it would be wonderful to drawn in the ocean as I don't have much hope to live. Therefore, I went farther and farther. I did not even care about my bag in which all my credit cards, money, and papers including my drivers permit was there. I did not care about my bare legs which were burned and cut by sult and stones in the water. I was just,... free. There were no nagging. No isolution. No fighting. Nothing,... just a freedom. Then, I heard a loude voice of a child. There was a girl next to me around 6 who was about to drawn on the ocean. It was a terrible sceen. I just knew that it was impossible to help her beacuse of the waves. However, I grabbed her and almost throu her to the shore, but I did not go to see her nor her family. I just wanted to get ride of every one cuz I know that there is no body out waiting for me. Not a BF,... Not a family ,... no one cares if I die...
When I got tired and got back. I was a mess. Waters were dropping and all my body was burning and aching. At least, I was satisfied teasing my self. Then, I scratching myself untill blood comes and I enjoyed that,...
When I looked at my cellphone, it was ruined.. Just a gray screen without anything,... I was too lazy to go to cingular and when I got there today, a persian guy over there told me to clean it and put it infront of a sun. But, still I am too lazy to do it... I know there is noone calling me so what a waste?
Today, it automaticly went right, but there was no charge, so I put it to charger, and I deeply wish that I did not buy this fucking cell ,...
Today, I again dyied my hair. BLACK. Like my life. Like my faith...
Latest News,...
As we know, there are many gossips about J.Lo and her fiance Ben. I bought two popular magazine (US today , and In Touch) to find out about the truth; however, they had written compeletly opposite of each other. One tells that J. LO forgives Ben (including lots of photos in which Ben and J.Lo seem to be happy together again). On the other hand, in In Touch magazine, journalists talks about how desperate J.LO is even they say that she is trying to come back to P. Diddy, ( Ex beau) as she calls him everyday.
Anyway, here is what I read today in YAHOO:
Stripper Sues Tabloid Over Affleck Story
LOS ANGELES (AP) A Canadian stripper has sued the National Enquirer, saying the tabloid libeled and slandered her in an article that states she had a sexual liaison with actor Ben Affleck (news).
The lawsuit, filed Friday, claims the Aug. 12 issue of the Enquirer falsely reported that the dancer, Antonella Santini, prostituted herself to Affleck.
The suit further charges that next week's Enquirer includes an interview with another dancer, Tammy Morris, that contains more falsehoods about Santini. The lawsuit also alleges that Morris received $100,000 from the Enquirer and may have taken an anti-anxiety medication to help her pass a lie-detector test.
The Enquirer said it stands by its story. Morris did not immediately return a call for comment from the Associated Press Saturday.
The lawsuit, which seeks unspecified damages, names the Enquirer, Morris and three reporters as defendants.
According to the suit, Santini and other dancers performed for Affleck in the VIP room of Brandi's, a Vancouver strip club where Santini works. It said there was no inappropriate touching between Santini and Affleck.
http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=492&e=3&u=/ap/enquirer_affleck
With this tragedy and also Cobey Bryan's case, we can find out how important is the existance of superstars in poeple's life. And. it is a pity actors donot have PRIVATE LIVES!!!!
Here is a song from Intizar. Hope u like it:
Getirirdim tabiki bütün yldzlar sana To bring the whole things to stare at you
stersen doldururdum ayn avucuna
You want to be left
Gökyüzünde parlayan yldz Sky with shining stars
Sen orda aya ak ben burda yalnz
But you are in love there and I am alone here
Ne yapsam ne düünsen aklmda yine sen What makes and what way way of thinking is belongs to you
Bir türlü seni sokup çkaramadm içimden ooooo
One sort of things you want to take from me,...
Sen doya doya baktn o aya You are always in my heart
Ben daha doymadm ne akna ne sana
My world is the love I have for you
Yllara muhtaç yüreim seni unutmak için I need you and I can not forget you
Azat olmusun kuum dön artk gelinciim
Free to lead around and remainnig still
Life is as usual and more boring!!!! |
Macera dolu America,...
Yesterday, when my mom and I went to my granny's house to blue dry her hair, my younger uncle was there as well. The night was the party in one of the most amazing places. As my uncle and his ( WIFE TO BE) were already invited to somewhere else, so he asked me to go instead of them. I have a big (RODAR BAYSTI) with my uncle, on the other hand I thought why not? After many days staying at home, and doing nothing I think I worthed it. U can n't imagine how fast I got dressed!!!!!!! Two mins showring, 1 min wearing contact, but almost 1 hour hair dressing!!!!! They picked me up at 8:30 with lots of nagging from my grand ma,... Anyways, I just have to say, I HAD THE BEST TIME after many many months. Seriously, I have never enjoy partying, even my uncle's engagement ceremony was not as good as last night,... AZ HAME MOHEMTAR... my favorite singers were there. Guess who?
Me and my older uncle danced alotttttttttttttttttttttttt. And we went home at 4:30 in the morning. Today, when I go to work, I had a very bad feetache; however, last night I found out many things:
1. How valuable your family members r. They are much better than friends who r around u that don't care and just named themselves FRIEND. I found out how kind, sweet, and good-hearted my dear uncle is and I never appritiate him nor trying to be friend with him.
2. I realize that I should put my family members on top of everything caz they r the most valuable gifts in the world. I learn to sacrifice for just THEM and not place friends instead of them caz they r the one who sacrifice for u as well. They r the ones who never want to use u for their own benefits. They never tell u a lie and they r always by your side,...
3. That how big and amazing is America
4. U can have fun anywhere in any classes. Either poor or rich.
And again RAFET EL ROMAN and AMERIKA
A memo
Burası New York Amerika Metros in New York, America
vler karıştı bulutlara The cloudy weather
Nasıl bir zaman How one time is
Nasıl bir yaşam How one life is
A memo
İnsanlar simsiyah, kızıl, beyaz
To try Famous white girls
Sokaklar basketbol, müzik ve dans
playing basketball, music, and dance
Öyle bir zaman öyle bir yaşam
In such a time, in the way of life
Macera dolu Amerika, Amerika, Amerika
A tale of America,...
A memo gece variller ateş ateş
Nights r like a fire
Etrafta sis duman ve cankiler
Every where fukk with fog
O rapçiler ve rakçılar
Rap and Rock stars
O memo
Burası Teksas Amerika
Texas
Herkes çizme, fötr, kot pantolon
To mark everyone. felt. Jeans and clothes
Öyle bir yaşam inan a memo
This is the life in America,...
That is what I mean,...
Now, after many things happen and it remains just ME, I try to fuck up every person who want to 1. bother me 2. use me
I have a messege for u:
" In the case of the facts I counted above u sniffy dogs who always bothered me, cheat on me or just abusing me GO TO HELL."
The road to Eldorado,...
Have u ever seen this Cartoon? If not, go ahead and watch it. I strongly recommand it to anyone from 1 year to100.
The whole story is base on two young men who want to be rich and,...
The rest is a secret u should find out later when u watch the movie
And now openings of new movies:
S.W.A.T
AGENT CODY BANKS
OPEN RANGE ( MY LOVE KEVIN COSTNER)
SCHOOL OF ROCK
CALENDER GIRLS
But, unfortunetly Movies are not for me caz I am getting homeless.
There is a song I looked alotttttttttttttt maybe days and nights for its lyric.
The song is Affetmem by Rafet El Roman
later, I find it and I am so excited. I will write it down with English translation:
Ben istemedim aramiz seninle boyle olsun
I dont want to search for you in this way
Ben istemedim askimiz seninle boyle bitsin
I dont want to love you in this vay
Anlayamadik birbirmizi, katlamadik birbirmize
I dont understand together with u, to fold up together
Bilmedik kiymetimizi, bilmedik, bilmedik, bilmedik
Unknown value of u, Unknown, Unknown, Unknown
Bitmeden baslayan kavgalar
To end and to start madness
Saygisiz bakisip konusmalar
Disrespectful everlasting talks
Bir yanda asiri gururumuz
One follower in a time is making noice (ends)
Sebep oldu sebep oldu
You cause this, you cause this
Burada askimiz sona eriyor
In this place our love ends
Iki kotu gunler burada bitiyor
Two jeans days in this place end
Seni omur boyu unutmacagim
Your vertebra is forgetten here
Her zaman seni hatirlayacagim
Each time you come to my memory
Mecburen mi boyle sona erecekti
I have to do it this way
Mecburen mi boyle bu ask bitecekti
I have to love you this way
Seni seviyorum, nefret ediyorum
I love you, I dont hate you
Afetmem afetmem asla seni
Caz In no way u want to forgive me
Oysa har sey ne guzel baslamisti seninle
But everything is so beautiful because of you
Anlar var unutamam belki bir ruya gibiydi
Forgetting u is just a dream (very hard)
Bitmesini istemedin bir omur boyu boyu
I dont want the end of the relationship with u
Zamanla alistik her say bu buyuk sevgimize bile
Times never this big things that I like even
Her say bu kadar basit yalan yalan her sey yalan
Every thing is lie, I can't believe anything
SIAHHHHHH
Tonight, I don't wanna write and I don't wanna translate. I cann't even listen to music. It is just far from than hate... Far from than life. It is disgusting as the picture above. As dark as possible. Darker than my heart. Darker than life... Any dark imagination would go for it...
The end is this sentence :" The life is fucked up"
Todays Celebrity
Today, after thinking a lot, I finally decide that I shoulda find full time job and forget about studying caz I had enough. When I am thinking about it I find out that is it. If I was going to get good grades I would get many semester ago. So, I fucked school sp this English class. Why should I kill myself when I know that I will end up getting a B? Everything is just crazy. I dont know why is it just for me? Why and
There is another cute Turkish singer ALISAN and one of my favorite songs:
Bir alev oldum gözlerin icin One flame possibly for your eyes
Bir rüzgar oldum saclarin icin One wind is possibly for your hair
Bir hayal oldum mutluluk icin One image is possibly for your happiness
Bir dünya kurdum ikimiz icin One world for your breath
kulun oldum ben kölen oldum ben I am for a newborn foal, I am like a slave
Bu ask ugruna heder oldum ben This love secretly is just a waste for me
Var ya sevdami daglara yazarim I am writing a lot about you loves existence
Var ya gözümü kirpmam yakarim About the sedation of your eyes winks exsistanc
Var ya askina ömrümü adarim About how much I want the existent of your love
Var ya ben var ya I want you to be here ?( to exist)
Veda etmem ben bu aska,...
Today, I had lots of fighting. (tof bar in zendegi).... I swear that I was fighting from 10 in the morning till now!!! I don't know why my parents (MY F.....MOM) is hurting me!!!! She is getting too noisy each day! I shoulda get out of this shit house tomorrow as soon as I can. Damn it...
Here comes my love Celik and his song on background with English translation: Yine gözüm yollarda, neredesin? Where is the one who means my new eyes
Gündüzüm gece oldu, kederdeyim The one who is as day and night
Bilemezsin kaç gece "gelir" diye bekledim To sharpen many nights " revenue" beacuse I am waiting ( how many nights I have waited for her to come)
Gelmeyince derdime, yenileri ekledim I have a pain, I am broke iin to pieces
Gel yarim ol, sevdalım ol, Become my lover beacuse I am madly in love with u Sultanım ol, fermanım ol, Become my Sultan and ask me anything u want
Dertlerimin dermanı ol, hercai Become my doctor and cure me, the one who is not stable (HARJAI)
Dolu dolu sevdalar gözlerimde I love your full eyes
Gönlümde dolanırsın, hep O halinle My hearts is wondering around, it is totaly melting
Uçusuyor saçların, yaralanmış kalbime My hair flyes, My heart is broken
Yine sensin tek çare, şu zavallı halime I am looking for new solution, ah how unfortunate I am ....
Holly shit,...
I don't think anyone hates himself as much as I do. And at least I am so happy that I have Turkish Satelite on line with my favorite Channels as well as my Turkish songs. On the other hand, I am saving some extra money cuz I had to buy the Satelite for at least $300 and now I am watching it over the internet for almost $40 a month and it worths cuz we can use lots of other programs such as Yahoo Messenger, Kaaza, Tripod, and many others,... I think it is not wasting money cuz if don't have a good quality internet connection, U neither enjoy the internet nor other programs. Right now, it is almost 2 in the morning and I am watching my favorite series CILGIN BEDIS which is starring by Yonja Evmecik ( A woman with a white shirt below) and I really enjoy it. Ok, later will be more news, so bye now,...
I know that u don't underestand the meaning of the song, so here is the translation
The story is that, Serdar loves a girl and she is not his. So, he is scalpruring and painting her at night and sang a sng for the girls
Cok seneler gecti senden sonra
many years passed, and you last...
Ben hep yalanci asklar yasadim
I totaly (thought about) false loves(I thought I can reach u)
Hic bir zaman ölmeyen sarkilar gibi
Not a single time I almost sang a song, but many times
Ben hic seni unutmadim
That I never forget you
Simdi hatirlarim, eski günleri
Now, in my memory, old days come
Belki döner gelirsin bir sabah
Maybe freezing comes one morning
Aglamaktan usanmadan
Excellent times (come)
Hergün agladim durmadan
Everyday stopes crying
Simdi beni yalvartmadan gel
Now, I beg you to come
Yaz yagmuru. düser durur yüregime
Summer showers clears walks
Bir kücük ask. yeter benim hasretime
Alittle love from u is lost ( I wish I could have a little love from u)
Sende benim yagmurum ol
You are like a rain for me
Damla damla yag gönlüme
By each drops, u make my heart fuller
At the end the girl came out of her lover'bed and started going to Serdar in the rain. When she was there she was wet, and Serdar was destroying all the paintings and sculptures of her. Then, she came nearer and embarassed Serdar and Serdar became so glad and starting kissing her on check, chest , hands. And then they smile to the camera,...
The value of money,...
As soon as I went out of the Florist store, I have had a great pain all over my body from head to toe. I looked at my hands which were getting hard and pink. 10 hrs standing in the florest, Making lots of styles, and standing all the time, makes me think about two important facts:
1. I have realized the value of money which is earned by bruices, blood, and sweat.
2. How florists steal money from buyers by selling more than the original price, and by putting the stolen money in their pocket.
I have been so lazy these days and i forgot how difficult is to make $1. I have spent a large amount of money on stupid stuff and I regret that.I wish I did not spend that much money. And my credit card's bill is almost $600 and I nly paid small amount of it. Cuz I don't have the money and I have to work to pay my bills.Life is difficult anctually soooooooooooo difficult. And more than that it is so empty. Why is this fucking life like that? Am I that nasty that everyone just wants to get ride of me??? Forget it forgetttttttt it . I am depressed! I have always been. But, I ...just pretend and I know that deep inside I am like a broken glasses which wee put together with a very thin layer of glue. When the first wind blows, I break. All the shit stuff that I was writen about Musicians, Stars, and others,... they just don't wworth a damn. I am so angry with God. Sooooo strongly mad at him. I wonder why he does this to me (JUST PARTICULAR ME) and sometimes I am thinking of commiting suicide cuz I just does not have hope to stay. Everything is at the bottom line of the list. And everyne is happy with.... And everyone just hates me. Why is it that, then? I just know that LIFE SUCKS AS I DO,...
I wanted to change the music back ground, but later I decided to keep it more days.Crying is so good and God I still love this song,... So, here is SERDAR again,...
World of babies,...
Look how cute and innocent these two little babies r. Sometimes, I wish I was a baby. They don't know what happens in world. look soooo free. The only thing that is in their mind is playing. They don't know rather don't care what is happening around them. However, as fast as they grow up, their problems grow up as well. Making money, finding suitable mates, school, and handeling emotional and physical problems will influence their innocent nature. And there is no help neither a leader. They have to handle all these things by themselves and that is where problems starts from. battling with parents, depression, drugs, alchohol, and sexual desires ( Overusing sex) I think there shoulda been more attention to them. As I can see lots of teenagers including my younger bro is suffering of at least one of the facts above. And that is parents duty to help them, give them some information about forbidden things not counselers. Counseler is not aware of family's situation as well as parents do. So, parents shoulda start working on their children before their innocent children lose their souls,..
Pretty lecture, does not it?:)) (KHODEMOON YE PA PSYCHOLOGIST SHODIM)
Despite that fact, today I am so depressed! And I even don't know why? Never mond,...
Cok seneler gecti senden sonra
Ben hep yalanci asklar yasadim
Hic bir zaman ölmeyen sarkilar gibi
Ben hic seni unutmadim
Simdi hatirlarim, eski günleri
Belki döner gelirsin bir sabah
Aglamaktan usanmadan
Hergün agladim durmadan
Simdi beni yalvartmadan gel
Yaz yagmuru. düser durur yüregime
Bir kücük ask. yeter benim hasretime
Sende benim yagmurum ol
Damla damla yag gönlüme
Here is SERDAR ORTAC and the music YAZ YAGMURU on the back ground. I used to cry alot with this song and I have lots of memories five yrs ago. I just wish noone ever get that upset to listen to this song,...
Two faces,...
I have recieved this picture yesterday in my Email. At first, I wanna delete it cuz my account was totaly ful; however, I changed my mind when I looked at it deeply. Then, I started looking carefully and find out that as the picture shows, life has many sides and it depends on you to change it to a good way or the opposite one. At one side, it seems like two men who are happy and a young woman who seems dance beyond them. On the other hand, by looking more carefully, u can see two eldery people looking at each other with all loves they have for each other. And how good it would be for everyone to becomes old with your soulmate....However, I submited my second Essay last day and I both feel anger and relief at the same time. Anger because I found out the Essay that I had worked many days and nights does not worth a grade "D". On the other hand, now I am happy that one finished as well. Now, I shoulda work on the second one and I am not ready,... Yesterday, everone was surprised by my new hair. I don't care! The important thing is that I just hate it and I hope it becomes better after some months. I don't know where my earache comes from? It is like sth is in your brain and God it hurts so much.... I have to go to doctor on Monday cuz it really getting annoying and hurtful. I have a headache as well. And I am losing weight and I don't know how? I just hope I die some months later,...;)
And here comes EBRU GUNDES and (Don ne olur)on the back ground
New Movies on the way,...
There come some movies in theaters due this week. Some r already on stage and we as a BIKAR r going to see those trashes. However, Tome Ryder II is one that is so popular among people (sp Teens and guys) However, as I don't like neither the star nor the movie, I can not tell a damn about it. So , here it is. If u r interested go ahead and watch it.
There are lots of others. One is Gigili which is one of the movie people r waiting for. It is starring by J.LO and fiance Ben Affleck and it is due on July 30 th. Look at some post cards:
Another exciting ones is the Lord of The rings
The next one is American Wedding
Right now, the bad boy has the best score among others
Ok, and a singer of a day is Izel and here is one of my favorite songs Yok Yere by her on the back ground,...
What a day!!!
I had a very bad day! Don't even ask about it cuz I won't tell u! But, u should know that I cut my hair!!!! 3 inches maybe more.... And I still don't finish the fucking Essay...
However, the picture above is YONCA EVCIMIK...
And tonight, I introduce another cute guy...
MUSTAFA SANDAL
and here is his song on back ground...
Celik Erisci,...
I am in love with Turkey and Turkish singers. I think the reason is our similar culture. The other reason is that I have many good memories of Turkish singers and TV chanels.By listening to their songs, u can find out that the musicians and singers r as talented as Persian ones. There r lots of Violons in their songs which makes the music sooooooooooo wonderful. Right now, I am collecting lots of Turkish songs including: Ibrahim Tatlises, Dugus, Hakan Peker, Mustafa Sandal, and others.... And recently, I go to TABRIZ chatroons in order to learn Turkish as well. And I am sure that one day, I fly to Turkey and that day would be the best day in my life cuz I have been waiting so long. And it is one of the worst attitude of me. I can not forget sth nor sb that I love. I remember that I I used to spend 17-20 hrs watching anything that was in the Satelite. And the day we sold it, God it was so hurtful and I still bothering me so much. U know, western culture is not in my blood and I would never be an American. Cuz I love my country, my interests, and my people although some of them are not worth a dime. It is so strange that I love Turkey as well.
However, The best singer that I am still in love with is (CELIK ERISCI) and he is soooooooooooo handsome. He also has an incridible, soft voice which is so beautiful.
Is n't he handsome?
Listen to his song which is on back ground!
And here is beautiful Shahsenem who is Persian and lives in Turkey and she is one of the most beautiful and successful Turk singer.
Poem, poem,poem,...
I am so exhaused of Poems. And God damn this class which force me to read and write lots of Poems. And I am soooooooooooooo tired of studyng. Today, sb told me to program each day in order to not waste your time and I accept it. When I think about it, I realize that he is totally right and my life is such a waste... cuz every day I wake up, eat sth, take a shower, work wit computer, and sleep. That's my daily schedule, and it is just a shit. I never improve if I stay home and do this stuff and start getting depressed as usual. PLZ don't get mad at me. I am desperatly seeking sb pro to help me skip my thoughts sometimes. Ok, gotta go. Bye now,...
Give me a big hug,...
We all have lots of interests in our lives which become more important and can influence us as well. I am one the big fans of Avril who is much younger than me;however, I admire her. I think she is different of others. By watching her shows anyone can realize her ironic tone ( English 2 influences my writings:)) Anyway, she is supporting freedom and happiness. I specially love her " I am with you". Today, I am sitting in Cayton and tere r lots of shits around me!!!! And I am so hopeless cuz there r not lots of free sits here and I have to face them anyway,...
My mind is busy on schedualing my Fall classes. I already took 16 units and I wanna add a persian class as well cuz I promised my mom to be in her class and right now, I can not make it. I even tried to take more units by lieying one of the stupid cansolers to take that class and u can not believe the reaction!!!!!
She told me that I don't need to take any persian class neither any other languages except English and KHIT SHODAM SHADIDAN.
At least I retake the tap dance class with my mom and I am happy that there is sb in my class with me. I feel much better by mom's support. And she is caring and I am happy. We can cheat together:)))))))
Right now, I am waiting more than an hour for my friend!!! and I don't know where she is! She never calls except when u leave her a messege!!!:))))))
And I did not bring my book cuz I wanted Ash to read the fucking poems that M.s (with tashdid) Philips, asked us. And I hate poems any except persian:)) Yeah, I am racism and I am proud of it cuz there r lots of shits around the worl that makes it dirty. I don't know why whenever I see latin ones, I wanna kill them. They look so dirty and low in my eyes. In addition, I never try to make Spanish nor Oriental friends. Okkk, I shoulda go and write one of my Journals. See u later!
| "I'm With You" |
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I'm Standing on a bridge
I'm waitin in the dark
I thought that you'd be here by now
Theres nothing but the rain
No footsteps on the ground
I'm listening but theres no sound
Isn't anyone tryin to find me?
Won't somebody come take me home
It's a damn cold night
Trying to figure out this life
Wont you take me by the hand
take me somewhere new
I dont know who you are
but I... I'm with you
im looking for a place
searching for a face
is anybody here i know
cause nothings going right
and everythigns a mess
and no one likes to be alone
Isn't anyone tryin to find me?
Won't somebody come take me home
It's a damn cold night
Trying to figure out this life
Wont you take me by the hand
take me somewhere new
I dont know who you are
but I... I'm with you |
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oh why is everything so confusing
maybe I'm just out of my mind
yea yea yea
It's a damn cold night
Trying to figure out this life
Wont you take me by the hand
take me somewhere new
I dont know who you are
but I... I'm with you
Take me by the hand
take me somewhere new
I dont know who you are
but I... I'm with you
I'm with you
Take me by the hand
take me somewhere new
I dont know who you are
but I... I'm with you
I'm with you
I'm with you... |
Food,...
There r lots of bad habits on me which really bother me most of the time. The worst is my love to Chinese food!!! I am in love with Chew Mein, Tofu and other Chinese cousine and that makes me much fatter than what I am. I need sb to help me.otherwise, I may eat myself as well!!!!
And I am so angry that I dropped my Math class. How stupid I am! U know, when u don't have sth to do, u will get crazy for sure.
Now, I am looking at one of my friends web site. That person is not her, and now I realize that how much I miss him.
ok, enough
See u later
Holly ,..
today, I want to talk about American Idol and how beauty works!
I am a big rather BIG fan of US, POEPLE, and IN TOUCH. I don't read this stuff only for fun; however, there are always some facts that are revieled in those magazine. One of the programs that I hate this show beacuse sometimes the Judges (Simon, Paula, and others...) choose the person who does not have such a great voice ( Man, they suck...) One of them is Kelly.
no doubt she is cute! But, she does not have a great voice neither plays as well as other stars. The reason is advertising, as the director attracts youngesters to become a money makers rather Givers. As we know, these celebrities earns lots of money in the case of playing. And it is not fare man! I am looking for the simplest job with the lowest salary,....
Anyway, I am going to drop my math class for the second time and the teacher reasure me that I can not go on getting F's and now life is beautifullllll
I will , for sure go to Vegas with a good friend beacuse I really need this vacation and I am getting tired of things.
Ok then, good day to u Smarty Pants :))
Look at the picture and tell me what do you really think of?
It is kinda confusing isn't it?
I'll tell you the story. Acually, I went to googoole to search for my English paper when I suddenly think of changing my site and as the result, I opened another page as you can see and for the change of good, I started looking for romantic images, then I got the picture above. As I looked at it, I suddenly started thinking about love.
And as a result, I still can not find a meaning for it. Of course the picture above is both passionate and romantic. but I kinda picky and deep when it comes to love; however, I am not kinda BOY DIGGER nor GOLD One's. I just have no ideas about love, but I know how passion feels cuz I experienced it several times and it seems stupid cuz u cann't live with passion all your life.I have seen so many pictures like this which are always used in the cover of HOT ROMANTIC books in order to attract women by its sexuality symbol. Anyway, try to find a guy or a girl who sacrifice passion and importance love. Pick the ones who loves u for who u r not beacuse of your beauty. Then, u will be the happiest,...
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